City Lesson #1: The Ways of Parking/I Wish I had a SmartCar

Because I am only human, I occasionally get parking tickets. When moments are spastic and my brain cannot focus I forget to move the car from one side of the street to the other, wipe of any evidence left by Parking Police that my car has, in fact, been there past the posted time limit.

There were few times when this happened during school, living off campus in a house with just one long driveway and 6 or 7 of us with cars required a lot of problem solving skills as well as general laziness when I was able to get a spot on the street instead of being blocked in the driveway.

Yes, you are wondering where this is going…

“Get on with it already, I’m bored and none of this is new to me.”

Ok, well if you can just focus your attention on one task (something that can be seen as an accomplishment in these 21st century times) then I will get to the point.

You will NEVER escape a parking ticket in the city.

Never ever ever ever ever ever X infinity + 1 (for good measure)

Parking tickets must be the way SF makes money because for starters, there’s barely any parking in the first place. Making finding a spot a nearly impossible quest inducing violence, hatred, anger, and maybe even a little bloodshed (you really never know). There are all these weird tiny spots in between garages and driveways that won’t accommodate any normal size vehicle hence the wishes for a SmartCar. But you will try, oh my how you will try to move your car just 4 inches forward, no wait 2 inches back, wait maybe just a few more inches back and hope no one calls in a complaint that you are blocking their driveway that is definitely big enough to get a car out of and maybe they should just stop complaining already.

No, I’m not bitter.

The $100 ticket doesn’t perturb me at all.

I’m happy as those weird clams that can feel happiness.

And then there is street cleaning every week. Different days. Sometimes only 2 weeks of the month. Always at different times. And so on and so forth as you can imagine. After finally getting a residential parking permit (my excitement was unbearable) I parked on the street and left it there.

For over 2 hours.

The peace of mind was bliss.

I go outside the next morning. Acknowledge my car and the awesome parking spot.

Wait. NO. (Cue classic Shia LeBeuof stream of nononononononono!). What have I done do disobey them now?

Street cleaning was that morning from 8-10am.

I will never win.

The moral of this story? Just go and get a SmartCar. Seriously.

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